Hmm... It's been 15 months since the last time I wrote. I'm feeling antsy tonight and not feeling like editing pictures. Which is sort of odd. Except that some photography feels too much like work lately. I'll be happier when the only other wedding on my calendar is over. Less stressed. Less pressed. I feel like I don't remember how to write in full thoughts anymore. I email and IM and text and speak in one or two word "sentences". It's depressing because I remember when I identified myself as a writer. Now I'm more of a photographer, which is fine, but I don't ever want to forget how to write. With all three girls in school (albeit one for just half days) and my little boy in preschool (albeit only have days three days a week, I feel like I have a whole bunch of potential time to clean up and purge out and fix up my house. My environment has been bothering me a lot lately. We did the first major reorg back in May, but I'm itching to do the details. Which are really hard to do with the kids around. If I can keep enough food in the house and pick up and drop off easily, I'll have 4 hours in the morning with only two kids and 2 afternoons with just one and 3 afternoons when I have NONE for 2.5 hours. (Two when you factor in driving.) I'm hoping to get the bedrooms cleaned out by the end of the first week. I'm feeling the need to retreat within myself lately. I don't know if it's because I'm already feeling the pressure of the school time schedule or if it's just the trend I've seen coming since last year. Perhaps writing will be more frequent. I really need to catch up on all my projects that are due first, though. I'm weaning off Cymbalta. My first long term mood stabilizer. Mainly because I don't like the side effects. Minorly because it has negative interactions with my lithium, which I saw a huge difference with immediately and would like that to be primary. I have to say, though, I was affected by Cymbalta way more than I thought. Maybe I just forgot because I'd been on it so long, but it was defiantly controlling the mania side of things. I feel very awake. Tired, still, as usual, especially physically, but mentally, my brain is still going mile a minute. But it's jumbled, it's not all nice and neat and orderly. And I forget lots of things. LOTS of things. More than ever. I thought my memory was bad before. Apparently Cymbalta was slowing things down enough so that I could capture at least some of my experiences and ideas. I'm hoping it settles itself out after a few weeks cause I'd really like to experience life sweat free. Well, you know, unless I'm working out. Haha. I actually feel good about this summer. I don't feel like we wasted much time. Not that lazy summer days are bad, but if all we did was sit around home all summer, I'd be feeling like we didn't accomplish anything. This has been the first summer that the kids were all old enough to be able to participate and not be watched like hawks and didn't need copious amounts of excess baggage. It was rather nice. A side note about the Cymbalta. I asked to go on it for a pretty specific reason. It occurs to me that it was doing it's job and now... I can feel that reason coming back. Mania is not all fun. Mostly it means anger and frustration and/or trouble for me. It's having all these desires and no way to fulfill them. Picking a "benign" one: shopping. I think about shopping all the time. I just want to go out and spend money and bring things home. The only problem is: we have no money and, for the most part, we don't really NEED anything. I've always had issues when it's come to "upgrading" our house, but the lack of a cap sends it off in high gear. *sigh* I have to get up in 7 1/2 hours. And I might have a lot to do tomorrow with lots of distractions. I should probably sleep. Goodnight my Faithful Friend.