Out of Body

So this will probably sound like the most whacked out posting yet, but...

While I was beccarose, I had major issues with my body, the main reason being: because it wasn't 'my' body. The body I saw in the mirror and the person I saw behind my eyes were two different people. I've had an awful lot of physical ailment get significantly better recently and I know there are other reasons behind this (my surgery, my pain meds, etc) but I think a major one is that the personality and the body belong to each other now. If I have pain I can tell you exactly where it is. I couldn't do that before. The same goes with every other sensation. Instead of being aware of things from an 'outsiders' point of view, it's actually ME now. I don't watch things happening to me - I don't feel things in this nebulous cloud of sensation, it's all specific and identifiable. The way I see my body has changed too. I think it's probably more accurate now. Everything was blown out of proportion before because it didn't match my mental image of who I was. Now it just is what it is. (Not that I like it, per se :), but I'm not at odds with it either.) It's the most bizarre thing to feel trapped in your own body. I didn't even realize that's what I was feeling, though, when I'd look in my own eyes in the mirror I never really felt like I was looking at me. Now I do. Now all I see is ME.