Morning After

I forgot about something else that's probably having an effect on my brain chemistry - Prednisone. I really hope that's not the major influence since I'll be done with it in two or three days.

It took me a very long time to fall asleep last night. I was aware of so much, my brain wouldn't shut off. It took a while for me to get comfortable enough for my headache to ease up. I thought about getting up and blogging more, but I was physically tired and my headache was pretty bad. I'm really hoping the trip to the chiropractor today clears that up.

I'm groggy today, but not as foggy as I've been. Looking back over the past few years (basically since I was pregnant with Lorelei, which was summer of 2006), I feel like I was just sleep walking. Almost everything I did was autopilot and anything that required the least bit of thought was a struggle.

Contrary to what seems like popular belief, I was NOT trying to be obtuse about life. I was really struggling with matching concepts and ideas to the way I think. The main problem being that I was having a hard time thinking at all. I don't feel like my ideas have changed all that much, it's just that they look different when they're in focus. The colors, shapes, general patterns are the same. But the edges are more defined and the details are filled in.

I can't decide what I want to do today. I'm feeling a little restless. I either want to go to Home Depot and pick up a wash line and install it or go down to the bottom of the driveway and clean up all the weeds. I guess I could prune the creek bank too, since it's finally cooler. I was thinking about possibilities for a makeshift awning for the patio as well. We have poles for a volleyball net that the previous owners of the house left here. (Yeah. They're still just sitting around...) If we put them on the two corners of the patio and attached a tarp to the house and the poles, it might provide some shade. It just gets so blindingly hot and sunny back there with no trees.

I hate struggling to think. It makes me feel stupid and slow. It's a pride thing, I guess, since I think I make a better impression when my brain is in gear. I have the potential to be smart and witty and funny. It's just all those synapses don't connect a lot of the time...